When Your Faith Takes A Hit

What do you do when your faith takes a hit? Not a slight hit though. The kind of hit that knocks you down and you're not sure if you'll be able to get back up again. You're not even sure if you want to get back up again. How do you regain your balance? How do you recover from that? That's something I'm trying to figure out right now. In my last blog post (Faith or Delusion?), I concluded that I should shift my faith into believing that I will be fine no matter the outcome of my granny's condition. On April 28th, 2024, my granny passed away. Now, here I am a little over a week after her death, and I don't even have faith in the words I wrote myself. My faith has taken a huge hit. The words of support from loved ones and reassuring scriptures that I once loved to read seem to be making no impact on my pain. No matter how much I read the Bible or how much I hear words of comfort from others, it's not filling up the hole I have in my heart. Yet, people have encouraged me to stay close to God in the process of grief. I've been trying to do so in that I listen to the song, "On Time God" by the Woman Evolve worship team every day. I'm trying so hard to stay close to God, and not let my grief consume me. But as I listen to the words of the song, I can't help but think of how disappointed I am because I don't think God was on time for me. The lyrics of the song go on to say that God "loves the impossible" and "loves doing miracles." As I listen to the song, I tend to respond, "except for when it came to my granny." Now, that doesn't mean to go feeling sorry for me and alert all the prayer warriors. I say all of this to say that sometimes our faith will take a hit. Especially, when it comes to situations that don't make sense to us or blindside us completely. My granny was perfectly healthy, and I just knew she would live to be 100 years old. This all transpired due to her falling and hitting her head one day, and she never recovered. My faith is absolutely deteriorating. And before you tell me that this was God's will and that God doesn't make mistakes, let me tell you that it's okay for me to not be okay. It's okay for me to grieve. It's okay for me to be upset, angry, disappointed, anguished, etc. It's okay for my faith to be rocky right now. Because I'm sure that everyone has had a time in their life where their faith was rocky. However, not everyone has had the chance or the space to admit that their faith has taken a hit. That's why I created "Teatime With God." Because the tea is that life is hard and just praying about it and having faith isn't enough to bring you through it. At least it's not enough for me. I know I'm not the only one. This is a safe space. I am creating this safe space because I don't know of any other safe spaces that exist. I think the best way for me to live with this grief and to find comfort in God is to first admit that my grief is causing me to have doubts about God. I'm not ashamed to admit that. I'm sure that I will be okay again one day, however, it's not today. And that's okay. How about you? Has your faith ever taken a huge hit? Feel free to tell me more about it in the comments. Your story is safe here with me.